Psiren Sings From Barbarella-esque seductress to police officer and now presenter and cover girl.The Bill star Samantha Robson talks to Mr Flibble about fan mail, first jobs and a very cold night as Pete Tranter's sister.

Mr Flibble began this telephone interview by... giving up and handing the phone to Andrew. He whispered his question into Andrew's remaining ear: How did you become an ACTRESS?

My mother was passionate about the Hollywood greats and the old musicals, and she loved the theatre. It was something I was brought up on, but I never really took it seriously as an option. Because of where I was - child of a single-parent family, living on a council estate, very low income - it wasn't even really a dream, it was a fantasy thing.

It was only when I got into my teens that it became a remote possibility. I'd never even heard of drama school, so when someone said to me why don't I give it a try, my mother said, "If you don't try, you may wake up when your 70 years old and think 'what a shame'." That's why I had a go. But I don't think I took it seriously as a vocational option until I was in my 20's. Before that my real passion had been animals and fish.

" FISH?!" Mr Flibble perked up immediately...

I wanted to be a marine biologist - very similar professions! I don't think I was brave enough there, I don't think I thought I'd get the academic qualifications - though looking back, I probably would have done! You never know, do you. So now marine biology is my hobby and acting is my vocation.

I keep marine fish - lots of people keep tropical fish, marine fish are a lot harder to keep, but they're my big passion. People think, 'Fish - how boring!' You have to get to know fish. You have to dive with them. Looking at something in a tank is very different from being in the ocean with it, swimming around you.

Can you remember your first acting gig? (Mr Flibble wanted to get back to the fish, but Andrew had a deadline to think of...)

RED DWARF! That was my first job ever! I was working in Selfridges selling jewellery. I'd been out of drama school for five months, something like that, and Red Dwarf was my first job. I vividly remember the phone call. I remember my agent ringing to tell me I had the job.

And I remember the audition, more importantly! It was chucking it down with rain that day, and I hadn't been to many auditions, so I was quite nervous. I'd begged and pleaded with my supervisor to get the time off to do the audition, they really weren't keen on me going at all.

I got a taxi, then I got the address mixed up - it 186 and I thought it was 86! By the time I'd got to 186, the heavens had opened and I was soaking wet. I turned up there, red in the face, really flustered, really anxious, soaking wet and I was a mess. What was I auditioning for? A sex siren! (Laughs)

I just sat there in reception thinking, 'This is the worst day of my life.' Three minutes in Red Dwarf was like getting the lead in the RSC as far as I was concerned. I really wanted it - because you want you first job more than anything!

I remember them filming me, they seemed very pleased with my audition - and I couldn't understand why! Looking like a mess...

Let's talk about the costume - and the FILMING CONDITIONS...

It was a bit of a nightmare first job, really. My boots didn't fit me - one size too small. Ouch. It was 4am when we got around to filming it, even though I was called at something like midday. I was there for a long time before we got around to filming something - and it was freezing cold. Minus two. All the crew were wearing mufflers and scarves, big snow boots and everything. We were in this gravel pit in Maidstone, Kent, and I remember just thinking, 'I'm going to freeze.'

They put nails on me that were about three inches long, so I couldn't go to the toilet because I couldn't undo my costume. The [nails] would ping off. The schedule was very hectic, and I realised I wasn't going to get much of a rehearsal. I was thrown in at the deep end, really! I had no idea what that was going to look like. At one point I thought they were going to get me to dress up in the [rubber] suit!

Mr F. had to wait for Andrew to relay this information, leaving Sam tapping her foot impatiently from home. With his penguin eye on the juicy gossip, Flibble got Andrew to ask about what it was like to be SNOGGING CRAIG CHARLES...

I have to say, I've done a lot of kissing on-screen since, and it's touch and go with a lot of guys; a lot of guys have a real problem with it. They can't really commit to it. The moan I've heard from female actors is that they're either really committed to it, or they can not do it; but I've never heard that about women.

Since then I don't think I've encountered anyone as relaxed and...forthcoming as Craig! (Laughs) He just completely went for it - and I, being totally professional in my first job - didn't hold back for one moment! I went for it completely - much to the delight of the crew...

We had to do so many takes, we just kept laughing and laughing. I wasn't sure what the joke was - though I'm sure it was that they didn't expect me to be that forthcoming. And for that many takes, on and on and on; This is going well, isn't it?' Every time they said cut someone would run over and put a big coat around me because I was going blue, I was so cold. I really should have been warmed up [by the kissing]...

Mr Flibble refuses to dally with his public, and yet you went to the studio recording to watch your scene be shown to the studio audience...

It was very exciting - first job and all - and I wanted to see how people reacted. I remember watching the live recording, and people just fell about. It was a lovely part - an exciting little cameo. But we're talking eight years ago, and I still get fan mail! (Laughs) The people who write to me don't even know I'm in The Bill - they write to me purely about playing Pete Tranter's Sister. (Laughs) I had a piece of fan mail from Belgium a few months ago!

I look back on it with very fond memories. Since then I've kissed about every leading man I've worked with. Well, somebody's got to do it...

Mr Flibble and Andrew began fighting over the earpiece, but as only Andrew can hear what his penguin sidekick says - as well as being a good five feet taller than his opponent - logic finally won out. You've now finished doing THE BILL...

I finished on the 12th of August, but I'm not off-screen until October. My leaving story's part of a seven-part story. A seven-part build to a two part chiller-thriller. Very shocking.

The character's been through a lot of...

Men! (Laughs) It's all about men! No, she's been through the mill. She started of being quite innocent, very above-board WPC. Now - I was very lucky - the character has metamorphosed into something very different. Harsh, bitchy, messed-up, very complicated, very witty - I was devastated to say goodbye to her.

It sounds surreal, but I had a real breakdown about saying goodbye to her. It was a strange thing - I brought part of my uniform back on the last day, and I sat on the floor looking at it and sobbed about her. This fictional person who doesn't exist! I was never going to see her again...

At this point, Mr F was sulking about being unable to hear what Sam was saying. Does being on TV in uniform get you a lot of fan mail?

I get stacks of fan mail. I'm very pleased to say I get equal amounts from men and women - and I get a lot of fan mail from guys in prison. A lot of guys inside write to me, and they're actually some of the most interesting letters [I get]. I don't mean "interesting" in speech marks - they're some of the most intelligent letters.

Andrew finally located the speakerphone button... but decided it was too late and elected not to mention it to the penguin. He chose instead to simply ask about Sam's FUTURE...

First I'm going to do some presenting on The Big Breakfast, they've asked me to do a few days for them and hopefully that'll progress into something more, then my 'Loaded' cover comes out. Then I'm off to the West Yorkshire Playhouse to play the lead in a J.B. Priestly play called Eden's End.

Finally you've apparently had to lock your computer away to prevent you getting addicted to the internet...

It's behind me now, actually. It used to be in the living room. I ripped the insides out of a wardrobe and it's behind closed doors. Otherwise it chases me around the house saying, 'Use me!' - I was up until 6 o'clock in the morning on it. I probably go on it once a week now. I have to be quite disciplined about it. Can you imagine how much there is on the internet about marine biology and fish?!

Mr Flibble enjoyed talking to Samantha Robson, and now that it's over... Mr Flibble is very cross.