Talkie tries to make some sense of conversation with Kryten's brother, Able.

Name:	Able
Occupation:	Ummm...
Qualifications:	Er, oh, erm...
Distinguishing Marks:	Ah, wait a second, I nearly had it...
Operational Notes:	A series 4000 mechanoid related to Kryten by the same motherboard (2X4C), making them technically brothers, Able became dangerously addicted to Otrozone while in the service of a simulant aboard the SS Centauri. His origin as part of 'Mamet's revenge' wrecked his life, while Kryten's similar resentment was channelled into his nega-drive - which was later used by Able to destroy the Centauri, at the cost of his own life.

Hi Able, would you like some toast?

I dunno, would I? Hang on, let me think...

Take your time.

Hmmm...

Complicated stuff, obviously.

Hmmm...

Well?

Well what?

Would you like some?

Some what?

Some toast?

Would I like some toast? Well, hmm, let me think...

Oh no, not again...

Hmmm...

Tell you what?

Hmm... What?

Let's move on.

Where to?

To a new subject.

Oh okay. What was the last subject?

I asked if you wanted any toast.

Do I want toast? Oh, well, let me think...

No!

Huh?

Please, let's start again. Tell me about your past.

Oh, okay. Well, I was on my ship when you radioed over and asked if I'd like to do an interview, so I got into the shuttle and came right over.

I was hoping to go back a bit further.

Hey, of course! Yesterday I started with an oil bath -

No, no, no. Tell me about your first mission, your first ship. Can you do that?

Sure! I was working for... somebody, I forget who. And then they decided to fly to... oh, now, it's on the tip of my tongue. It was... aah, never mind. So we caught a... a flying thing to... somewhere. And then there was a thing and... um...

Do go on, it's fascinating stuff, really.

It is? Totally tubular! Anyway, the ship sorta crashed a bit, and the crew just lay there and wouldn't talk to me any more.

Dead, huh?

No, they were dead. Mind you, it took me a while to figure that out.

Then what?

Well, I kept myself busy, I can tell you. Talking to my echo down the corridors, working out simple math problems - that addition's a real doozy - and, of course, making supper for the crew.

Hang on, weren't they dead?

...No wonder they didn't seem hungry!

Then what?

What?

Then what?

Then what what?

Then what happened?

When?

After the crew died.

The crew died?

Yes.

Oh that's so sad.

Yes, isn't it. Now what happened when you were rescued?

You mean you don't know? It was a real coincidence. We crashed and then - just four hundred thousand years later - this simulant guy passed by. I mean really, what're the odds?

He gave me a really nice cell, kept me in the dark a lot so as not to wear out my eyes - really considerate. Oh, and he had a huge supply of Otrozone. You ever had it?

Isn't it really addictive?

Hell no! I haven't touched a drop in two hours, and look at me.

Yes, look at you.

Huh? What? Why?

You're fried, man.

I am?

Seriously.

Well that would certainly explain the ringing in my ears.

You've got your head next to the smoke alarm.

Well, of course I do. What if my ears catch fire!

What if your feet catch fire?

I hadn't thought of that. Oh no - what am I gonna do?

Shut the smeg up?

Oh, right. Sure thing, dude.

Finally, can you tell me about your relationship with your brother in circuitry, Kryten?

Wow, yeah, now there's a droid who knows which way round his head goes. He tried to tell me, but I can never remember. The ears go at the sides, right?

Yes...

I knew it. Thanks bro - I finally got it. Eyes to the ass, right?

Well, actually...

'Cos how else would you know how your butt was doing?

It's a good point.

Did I say that out loud?

Thank you Able. One final question - would you like some toast?